med check & 10 simple questions

Over the last two weeks, how often have you been bothered by any of the following problems?

 Not at all  Several days  More than half the days  Nearly every day
1. Little interest or pleasure in doing things        
 2. Feeling down, depressed, or hopeless        
 3. Trouble falling or staying asleep, or sleeping too much        
 4. Feeling tired or having little energy        
 5. Poor appetite or overeating        
 6. Feeling bad about yourself—or that you are a failure or have let yourself or your family down        
 7. Trouble concentrating on things such as reading the newspaper or watching television        
 8. Moving or speaking so slowly that other people could have noticed? Or the opposite—being so fidgety or restless that you have been moving around a lot more than usual        
 9. Thoughts that you would be better off dead or of hurting yourself in some way        

If you clicked on any problems above, how difficult have they made it for you to do your work, take care of things at home, or get along with other people?
Not difficult at all    Somewhat difficult       Very difficult      Extremely difficult

Depression Severity: 0-4 none, 5-9 mild, 10-14 moderate, 15-19 moderately severe, 20-27 severe.

Today’s score was a 3.  In Sept it was a 9. That’s 180 degrees from last year.  I don’t have to go back for 3 months.  Much better than monthly visits.  Grieving has taken a long time, is taking a long time.  This winter is going by faster.  I heard a frog today and found crocus in the yard.  I remember one spring going by so slow it was like time had stopped.  I just stared out the window at the trees waiting for them to bud and then for the seeds to drop and then leaf.  It’s not like that anymore. I was stuck in a time zone.  I have a friend that described time stretching as prana time.  Like being in labor.  Then forgetting and getting pregnant again.

Reviewing notes on today’s visit and there it is. Still bites.  11/16 onset episode/major depressive disorder.  Suicidal Ideations- the ubiquitous background of the mind.  Prozac creates pretty and sublime mental wallpaper. It’s a red pill blue pill thing.  Prozac-the red pill only works when sober.  Don’t wanna sober up because of unwillingness the blue pill awaits and things stay the same.  Thankful for the sobriety.  Drinking & grieving was a bad combo.

Now I only have to take Prozac for two weeks a month.  Cut Gabapentin dosage in half. Ditched zyprexa although it has its good things (increases appetite faster than weed munchies and very good sleep & it was perfect for smoking cessation), but I developed nasty side effects so switched back to the standard I was prescribed in hospital- Clonazepam once a day if needed. I’m one of the lucky ones who have a take it or leave it attitude about it. No history of dependence.  In fact when I take it I smoke a lot less pot.

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