I want Candy.

When I was a kid loved candy cigarettes. Yeah Nicotine Gum.  Seriously, today I filled a candy tray.  Went to visit Sandy when I told her I quit smoking she gave me a bag of assorted candies and when Jon arrived he brought caramels. Otherwise I think I chew too much nicotine gum. Now most everyone is in on support.  My doc, pharmacist, grocer, neighbor, friends, husband and kids.  Today a man stricken with schizophrenia barely recognized me.   He said, OH MY GOD, That is her. Drew a circle in the air over his face and said my face was round and that it looked good on me.  Ok. I could lose 5 more pounds.

This after my losing ten pounds.  Ran my figure by Jon and Per and they said I’m good.  Curves are love.   More to love. Still, I’m going to have to write to my pretend workout buddy.  We’re like 6 weeks in and I wonder if he’s lost any weight.

Upping my game and adding Bacopa and or Anantamul tea/powder as I begin a sugar and fat food fast. In a way I don’t want to lose weight.  I love my new curves.  I don’t know, isn’t smoking cessation a fast? In a way? One at a time, right?  Asking my doctor about that, tomorrow, one more med check. A double dose means a double visit. I dunno, my counselor gave me am A+. I don’t want to rush things.  But there is this group for suicide survivors and I think I’d like to go.  Just waiting to hear back or maybe he would refer me.  Wasn’t ready at the time when I spoke to my counselor.  I still have tons of work to do.  Is now the time for a six week look at suicide?


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