MORE Police Murder?

Religious group puts hold on award to Seattle Police

“In the wake of Sunday’s police killing of Charleena Lyles, an African-American mother who called the police for assistance and ended up dead, the idea of the Jewish Federation carrying through this award is especially appalling,” reads the petition. “The argument that the Police Department may work with the Jewish community effectively on other matters is, at this point, completely overshadowed by the police killing in our community of yet another Black person.”

Listened to the audio released by the SPD on Charleena Lyles. 100 pound loving and protective, pregnant mother of several children who called the police because someone stole one of her kids XBOX.  They complain all the way up to the door, with absolute malicious intention and within ten minutes, BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM, so many shots fired in such rapid order I couldn’t count them fast enough. And her kids were home, right? Right.  They knew that walking in.

Have to ask where they find these guys.  They could not possibly have made themselves appear any less than hulking racist cowardly murdering idiots. The only possible way to make them look worse is to show the body cam footage.  Where is it.

I mean after John T , in two minutes notice the woman walking across the street.  She hears and sees it and cries out… Did you just shoot him?  He didn’t even do anything!  The murderer screams at her, Mam, he wouldn’t drop the knife…  What an idiot.  First of all the man was hearing impaired, secondly he was a well loved Native Totem Pole Carver!  And after all the investigations, the justice dept, the SPD trying to sue the feds over the recommendations and the new imposed rules, regs, training.  All for nothing it seems.  Like trying to teach a pig how to sing.

Reminds me of Jesse James Mish, out here on the island.   Jesse was mentally unstable and they shot at him over 15 times and missing every single shot.  Oh they were angry, went on a man hunt, sent helicopters.  Jesse wasn’t armed.  Jesse was upset that he owed Sandy $30.00 and was trying to buck up firewood into his pick up to pay her.  That’s all.  Oh the police were so angry.   Why?  Jesse lived, he was lucky. A well loved high school wrestling champ. The cop went absolutely nuts when Jesse backed his little pick up into the squad car.  BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM, repeat 15 times.


I cried last night talking with Jon,  honey, they would shoot me also for depression and post concussion, right in front of our kids.  They would, without a doubt, and honey you know it. We were instructed to call the fire dept and flag the house for asthma and mental health, so an aid car would be sent instead of hot head cops they send to the island to cool off.  I’ve suffered psychosis, after RJ died, I thought he was in the house with me.  I was even talking to him in front of people. I was like, he’s right there, hiding in the pantry, can’t you see him? Ohhh, you can’t see him, because that’s not him, because he died.  I needed meds, I recovered.

It’s like when Leah and I were at this gas station and this woman was having a melt down and with good reason.  The attendant was like, GTFO, I’m calling the cops.  I looked at the attendant and said, Ok, you gotta do what you gotta do, but please, she’s obviously not dangerous, please call an aid car instead so they don’t shoot her in your store.

I’m just glad Evergreen State didn’t allow the police onto the campus during the student protests, no matter how ugly.  Didn’t like the behaviors and the bullying of the professor but THANK GOD the president of the school stayed cool.











My son’s concussion.

He crashed his bike when he was 16 and he wasn’t wearing a bike helmet. He sustained massive head trauma, one of his eyes was knocked from the socket and hanging by a string all night long.

Because it happened in the middle of nowhere it took a series of first responders, aid cars, hospitals until he was finally airlifted to a proper trauma center that could actually treat his injuries.  Everyone knows that timely treatment can affect years of following recovery.  This was treatment that he never received.  Saved his life, but gave him no assistance in how to live it.

It’s been ten years.  One would never know what happened by just a glance. Especially if he smiles.

Most of everything I’ve journaled about in my recovery from post concussion syndrome is for him.  He was here last September and just recently went back to the midwest.

Was fortunate to spend as much time as I could counseling him as much as possible on how I manage life post concussion.

Something I hadn’t sat down and discussed with either Austin Franks or RJ.  Who knows how many concussions either of them sustained after Lacrosse, Skateboarding and Snowboarding.   I did sit with both of them and shared about my concussion and how much it changed me and especially RJ saw it.  What I didn’t realize was that all of us were also struggling with depression as a subset.  Within a year or so of eachother, both Austin and Rj shot themselves.

As for me, there were several prior concussions.  Once when I was little I accidentally pulled a heavy jar off the top of the fridge and it landed directly on top of my head and I remember feeling violently nauseaous.  No one knew back then.  Fell forward ice skating on a lake while my dad was ice fishing.  What an ordeal getting back to the shanty and then not mentioning it to him.  Again when I dumped my little bike with those banana handle bars.  Hit the front of my head on a bolt in the center of the handle bars and woke in a ditch who knows how many hours later.  So that’s three concussions by age eight.

Fast forward to age 21, a horrible car accident with my hearing impaired room mate and my baby in the back seat. We drove to visit April’s parents in South Bend and on the return there was a blizzard.  While driving over a large bridge that spanned a river, we hit black ice and were spun and flipped over the rail.  We rolled many times down the embankment and landed upside down on the shore.  The baby in the back seat is the now grown son, who crashed his bike. We had only been on the road a few minutes after this long break.  We stopped for coffee and gas, changed the baby, fed the baby.  I remember walking around the car kicking ice off all the lights, turn signals, etc. At the time I had the safest car seat available and it was rear facing and he was strapped in correctly and didn’t sustain even a scratch.  As for me I was completely knocked out. i remember hearing the earth rush by my head and understanding i had not rolled down the window and accepting that half of my body was out the window and believing the car was landing on my back, crushing it and not being afraid that i was a dead woman. I remember a flash of light and then darkness and then hearing a baby crying in the distance and then a while before I realized it was my baby, not in the distance, not thrown from the car.  When I was able to open my eyes, April was trying to kick out the windshield and I was hitting her chest to make her stop because I saw the water line and the car was rocking.  I remember being so disoriented that I thought I was facing the back seat. Still not understanding that we were upside down, until I released my seat belt.  Again, had no idea about post concussion, I was so young I bounced back.  That was the fourth concussion which brings me to the crash in 2010,  that one wasn’t the worst of them per say, but it was the definitive straw that broke the camel’s back.

We talked about counseling, meds and anger management, that alcohol consumption with TBI is an absolute death sentence.  Everything I wished I had spoke to Austin and RJ about.  Now I have to let it go.

ps…  and that crash, outside of South Bend.   April and I somehow got out of the car and flipped it back over and the roof was collapsed to the steering wheel, the windows were crushed, the doors were crushed, the tires had all popped off the rims from the force of rolling and bouncing. somehow i crawled into the car and got the baby out of his car seat and tossed him over my back to April, who caught him.  Then we climbed back to the road and I went out onto the highway to wave a car down. no one would stop.  of course i was covered in blood and had to wipe it from my eyes to see.  i remember screaming at April, forgetting how to use sign language and she full on slapped me across the face, which did help.  a semi did stop after a while, he heard radio warnings that others had sent over cb radio.  so the driver was looking for us.  he took the baby into the cab and brought out blankets for us and called the highway patrol.  we were in the middle of nowhere.  the first responders were in a chevette that drove us for an hour to meet an ambulance for another long drive to er.  no one talked about concussion.  it was about xrays.  i know i was still in shock.  my sternum was busted up and my collar bone, to get the xray after no luck, a hard core frau cow said, “I’ll teach these er nurses how to take an xray!”  she sat on top of me and pulled my wrists on the count of three.  screamed and passed out. that’s what it was like back then.  when i woke, there were my parents.  we had to go back to the car to retrieve the car seat.  everything else was gone, the highway patrol said there were high winds on the bridge because of the river and the  only reason we all survived was that we were wearing our seatbelts.  i remember my mom wanted to go over to see the car and my dad wouldn’t let her. better that way.

pps…  the crash in 2010.  it took a long time to figure out what was wrong with me. this time i had hit the side of my head. there were different issues like vertigo and backward sentences. i didn’t get it until i was with Amma.  prior to that year i had loved being a prasad assistant and keeping time on the stage with all the devotees.  it was my happiest time on the planet.  in 2010 i went up to assist with prasad and my eyes were picking up on visual cues but my body was in slow motion and wasn’t listening to me like this strange paralysis and it wasn’t like me at all, Amma turned and looked at me, i looked back and another devotee helped me with it and i turned and left. that’s when i knew something was really wrong and would require a lot of occupational therapy.  That particular seva, Prasad Assistant requires a certain skill set, especially timing, and I’m still out of the loop.  One look like that from Amma, that she would have to look to see who i was and what was wrong with me. Oh that was sad, very sad. haven’t been back.