The Happiest Woman

While in the elevator a hotel usher guy was wheeling in a cart and I was cornered by the wall of buttons and had to push everyone’s floor buttons.  I just giggled and kept pushing buttons.  A minute of chit chat and these big sunny smiles.  He asked how the weekend went and I said, I’m just so Happy, it was awesome, I’m glowing with it.  He was like, Yeah, that’s awesome, I can feel it! And he left the lift.

Did whatever I was doing and then went back into the elevator to my room.  Up a floor and there was dude again and a woman with a babe in arms.  They both smiled as big as the world and looked at me.  She asked, Are You The Happiest Woman?  I smiled and looked at dude.  She said,  Well he said he just saw the Happiest woman a few minutes ago.  Yes, that was me.

She said Amma’s happiness is contagious isn’t it?  That’s right, it is.

Getting ready to drive back home to island and I just have to say the hotel transformation was incredible to witness.  Haven’t seen any other Amma people, they are all in San Ramon now.  But the hotel?  In case anyone wondered what kind of event would follow hers?  Well the conference rooms are full with another seminar, many groups and recovery centers here for:  Behavioral Health and Addictive Disorders.  AWESOME LOVE AND COMPASSION.  Bet they don’t even know what went down here 24 hours before.  Walked by the rooms and saw people smiling and hugging each other.  Pretty Cool.

Devi Bhava!

We made it!  Jon raced and then sailed home and I met him at the dock, flew to the hotel and then he met us here at the Hyatt in Bellevue.  Jon, Jonny and I went up for Darshan together!

First little man, then Jon and then I and then us all together.  I just remember sobbing and having my hand on Jon’s back while she gave him Darshan.  When I looked at her I was just crying so hard.  I had these used up tissues and I kept trying to dry my tears for her.  She stopped traffic!  Asked for tissues and she washed away all of my tears, held me and said, My Daughter, My Daughter, My Daughter… I was thinking Mama, Mama, Mama, all I could keep saying to her was THANK YOU!

Then she dotted my forehead and Jon’s too!  We stepped back dazed and all of dropped to our knees and dropped our foreheads all the way down to the ground.

Then be still my beating heart, both Jon and Jonny went for their Mantras!


*sitting during the Atma Puja, water was distributed to all who attended- there was a family of westerners seated in front of me. when the water was passed to them, they drank it immediately and it was just as they announced, “Please do not drink it yet.” The family gulped and looked like UH OH, then as if on cue, the next announcement “And if you drank it, That’s OK.” We all giggled.

Do you mean Gayatri?

My dearest friend has stayed the weekend.  We haven’t seen eachother in 7 years.  Our lives have changed so much in our friendship of close to 25 years.  We were so young when we met.  We were single with our own apartments in the city.  We had both just stepped out of art schools in Mpls and Chicago.  We had a show in Pioneer Square, a collaboration of her photos and my paintings. We hung out with artists and worked our butts off often juggling two or three jobs a piece. Somehow always making space for eachother and our friendship, we have always valued eachother.

Last night she mentioned a book written by an Amma devotee.  She actually read it.  Instead of ever coming to see Amma with me when I’ve invited her. I’ve been going to see Amma since Cedar was a babe, so that’s 17 years.  Last night she asked me about the book.

I said do you mean Gayatri?  Yes, I’ve seen her before, in San Ramon.  It must have been right before she wrote the book.  She did not look um, like a Swami.  Actually she behaved like a petulant child.  And that, like I said, was before the book.  It really surprised me because Gayatri wrote and sang one of my favorite Bhajans that’s in English. When I heard it, I just thought, oh I would never be able to write a song like that, so pretty. I don’t know why Gayatri left, but I don’t believe she was sent away. It was Gayatri’s choice.

By the way, Amma is here this weekend, but I stayed home to meet this visiting friend.  Could have been sitting in meditation.  No. Stayed home to be available for a friend who just does not and will not ever understand.  Sigh, that’s ok. As for me, I do not need to read the book to understand that Gayatri made a horrible mistake that I’m sure Amma has forgiven a long time ago.  That’s between them, it has nothing to do with me.

See that’s why I don’t wear a sari, boy that would really be weird, right? Or if I went to India?  Would everyone run around and say I was mentally ill and joined a religious cult?  Same discrimination that Muslims experience, but not quite as upfront about the hateful motive.