Poor Baby

Good news.  Milo was neutered.  Wanted to visit today’s festivities uptown, pet sitting instead.  Poor thing.  He looks miserable.

Chainsaw day

a big cherry tree fell last night missing the house by 4-5 feet.  this is the second big cherry tree on that side of the house.  the first was several years ago. fell as i was standing near the window by the coffee pot. i watched and didn’t have time to move so i turned my head. looked back and the tree had stopped just shy of coming through the window, only cracking the glass.  we still haven’t replaced it.


#divest the globe

This Monday, October 23rd, ninety-two of the world’s largest banks will meet in São Paolo, Brazil to discuss policies on the climate and Indigenous People’s rights to Free, Prior, and Informed Consent (FPIC).The Indigenous-led coalition of Mazaska (money) Talks and Standing Rock leaders have called on allies everywhere to join them for 3 days of mass global action.

You and other Vashonites with a conscience will join this global call for action on Monday to show the banks that financing climate disaster and the abuse of Indigenous Peoples is not an acceptable business practice.

asked jon if he would march with me. he said it’s not much of a march. i said more like hopscotch. low risk of arrest, lol.  we already ran banks out of town for two new credit unions. a credit union took over the old bank of america building. still, standing in solidarity with the world is a good thing.

Dinner with new fire chief

(my letter for The Loop)

South end community club met for dinner at the Tahlequah fire station on Saturday October 21st.  Featured speakers were Fire Chief Charlie Krimmert and Fire Commissioner Candy McCullough who explained to us that our fire dept is financially in a bad way, and needs this proposed levy to offer the best services possible for our community. It seems proper records only go back to 2013 and 2014.  Fire Chief Krimmert has analyzed all the available past finances and offered that records become available to the public on a meeting next Tues.  He started in January and it seems the fire dept has been kicking the can down the street for the last eight years.  This levy actually is what it was in 1990.  In 1990 the levy based on property tax evaluations was $1.50 per $1,000.00 and that’s all they are asking for in the new proposed levy.  Our fire trucks are out dated and we need more firefighters and emt’s.  It is a miracle that the fire dept is running as efficiently as it is.  We also need a new aid car.  The tax levy doesn’t solve all the problems facing the fire dept, but it’s a good start.  It was a dark and stormy night but there was a full house and the food was wonderful and what great company, a lively discussion ensued!  Bottom line is that we all sat down together to have dinner and sort it out.  The south end community club meets every 3rd Saturday of the month.  They have been doing so since 1930’s, with the building being built in cooperation with the community and fire department in the 60’s.  Big Thanks to the new Fire Chief and to Commissioner McCullough who warmly spoke from the heart to catch us up on the fire dept’s needs.  Please vote YES on the proposed Levy and YES for Candy’s re-election as Fire Commissioner- Thank You!

(privately over coffee Sunday am…   yes i understand that property tax is not income tax.  thank amazon for the bubble. )



Those of us in Seattle already know the impact this has had. In addition to the boom in traffic (and techies), housing costs have skyrocketed, and the median home now goes for $750,000.


“My god,” the veteran Macy’s employee said, “how dare you put that idea in my head. I never thought of it.” But after a moment’s thought, the salesperson realized the idea should not have surprised them at all. Nothing should surprise anyone who works in this dying business or for this dying company. “An Amazon Christmas star,” they said, “that will really be the end.”

Waterfall in the dining room

Due to a plugged roof gutter sending a river of rainfall down inside a wall.  Jon ran upstairs and asked if someone left the water in the tub running.  Nope.  He ran back downstairs and up again to pull back a curtain to reveal water running down the inside of the window.  We all ran around doing things.  Saving the computer downstairs on the dining room table, just barely.  Tarping the table, setting out three pots to catch the water, towels on the leaking window, but finally he had to climb a steel ladder two floors in the dark during a heavy downpour.

That and today the boys and I retarped the roof over the main firewood shed.  The front and back of the wood pile is wet.  Wondering if it will dry out at all this winter. Some of it was soaked.  Most of it was rescued.  This is the first year that I’m not so worried about it.  The kids are all old enough to dress warmer and set fires in the woodstove by themselves.  It’s not like when they were little or in diapers.  Back then I slept downstairs to keep the fire going all night so the house would be warm for everyone going to work and school in the morning.  Then a pause all day, the chore of restacking a night’s wood on the porch and then resetting the fire after school.

There was that one winter that was just terrible.  The power was out for 8-10 days.  Our roof was blown off, there were waterfalls in several rooms.  We had guys here to help that year and I spent my days and nights cooking for everyone on the woodstove by candle light. The road was blocked from fallen trees and the guys went out and cleared it with all of our neighbors, it took just one afternoon. We heated water on the woodstove for dishwashing and bathing.  The roofs were torn off all the firewood sheds and all 6 cords of firewood was soaked and unusable. It was freezing cold but everyone worked together to make it happen, little man was still in diapers. One other year without power we cooked rockfish on boyscout stoves in a snowbank.

Last year the first fire of the winter was set around October 7th.  This year the 21st.  These first fires take some of the chill from the air in steady downpours.  It’s December and January when the chill becomes frosty and the wrens move into the walls of the living room. Still have several trees that fell last year to chop and stack.  This rain was our wake up call. Today it was about repairing the wheelbarrow in the garage.  Even if we were ready, the wheelbarrow isn’t.


Rainy Day Reading

To me, a psychiatrist who avoids suicidal patients is like a surgeon who can’t stand the sight of blood, or an obstetrician who doesn’t like to think about where babies come from. http://blog.stevenreidbordmd.com

*this site awesome for comment reading*                              69 thoughts on: Lack of Motivation Due to Depression Makes Recovery Hard

Our Passage to Rapa Nui:  Long Passages at Sea and Their Effects on the Mind by Michele Rogalin Henderson  

 (on sea madness)  a number of people, us included, in the absence of varied sensory input, will begin to imagine things that are not real.  Hearing voices or unexplained noises, seeing land, boats or sea creatures that aren’t there – these are manifestations of the brain’s adaption to a limited sensory environment.

48 Degrees North- Page 26

Hiccup. Sorry. Hiccup.

Have been trying to get flu shots out of the way.  Last year they didn’t have flu shots for kids at the clinic so we went to the pharmacy and paid out of pocket.  This year my son came home from school and said he got his flu shot at the new student clinic!  Right there at school!  No muss no fuss!

Flu shots aren’t available at the family clinic yet this season and so today went back to the pharmacy for my flu shot and it was covered!  Whew.  Right in the middle of my shot I got the hiccups.  Poor tech.  I apologized.  He said no worries the needle was in before the hiccup.  OMG.

The Irony of the new performance space.

Jon wrote the letter months ago regarding The Vashon Maury Chamber Orchestra Kids Concerts.  The orchestra had always played free concerts.  Really it was just childrens concerts at least in the beginning. Free admission or non perishable donation to the food bank.  Jon and Gaye are the only original members left from the start of it.  Last nights concert was beyond the pale of Jon’s letter.  They didn’t lower the price of tickets, they raised them to $18.00. With 40% of the island children on free or reduced meals at school.  Last night he said 60% of the seats were empty.  He said they also took over concessions.  God how depressing.  What a shame- Vashon Center for the arts:  Katherine L. White Hall.

Milo visit

Dave’s rottie was diagnosed with bone cancer and the two of them need some alone time.  Vet said 2-4 months, Dave is in shock. When Milo saw me he practically did back flips in joy and didn’t calm for 20 minutes.  He’s sleeping now and mellowed out.  Dave and I both are concerned about Milo being so rowdy he could hurt the other dog on accident. Can’t let them both off leash at the same time. Might be seeing more of him this winter.

6000 Pounds of air

Took two dive tanks and two days and the boat bottom is free again of sea grass beard.  Next race Le Mans in Gig Harbor first or second week in November.?

Stunningly beautiful day on the water.  Lots of vitamin D3. Spent much of it laying on the dock and peering over to stare at all the sea flowers sea spiders and star fish.  The docks are teeming with underwater life. The star fish came back from the die off several years ago.  Today they were in abundance and baby jellies less than 1/2 inch and clear so can’t really take photos of them, there were thousands.  Spoke with people and kids strolling the park and dock, it was such a beautiful day.  When the kids see a diver they get really excited and I wonder if someday any of them will become marine biologists.

There was a slight problem with the dry suit, a rat chewed on it so yesterday gallons of water gushed from the suit when he climbed out.  Must have been freezing, he was in for about 3 hours @ 50 degree water.  Today we duct taped the suit from the inside and outside patching the hole and it actually worked.  He was only in for a little over 2 hours today. The suit will have to go to the dive shop for repairs.

Saab Story Cont.

Nate did take the Saab that Rj hit, the Saab parked in the driveway on the hill.  He found the guy who owned the car before me and he actually bought it back from Nate.  So a new engine and that car is good as new.  Saved a vintage Saab. Jon and Nate worked out a deal for the car.

Jon has another Saab that was intended to be a parts car but Jon and Mark-RIP did manage to get it running though no one was driving it.  It was for a Saab SPG that needs a clutch, but those projects were put on a back burner when Mark died.

Today Jon and I drove the other Saab over to Nate’s shop in Georgetown.  For whatever reason it kept stalling.  Once on the ferry boat, once in the ferry lane leaving the dock, that time I pulled up next to him and mentioned I had jumper cables in my car.   1 2 3 jumped the car and we drove off.  Then it happened again and again.  I felt like pit crew. Over and over again until we pulled into Nate’s and as if on cue the motor then purred like a kitten, making us look more like idiots than the drive over.

So that’s that. Two vintage Saab’s for Nate.  …and he said he can help with the clutch for the SPG… all three are black/turbo’s, brought back from the dead, well almost, the edge of it. Parts for these cars are getting harder to find. We were lucky, we had Mark to sift through them.

Prior to this Jon kept taking my jumper cables and putting them in the garage and I kept taking them back.  Now he knows and he’ll never take my jumper cables again.  Still, getting him a portable jumper kit like the guys on the ferry had.  Early Christmas present.  That drive today was solid teamwork, if we didn’t have the practice from racing together he would have had to call a tow.

Went shopping. Two places.  Found:  https://no.co/gb40

Brought it to him.  Something for a guy who has everything.  He seemed to like it, especially for the boat.  Man I wasn’t even thinking about that.  The charger seems small, we have our doubts but the auto part store said it’s good.  We’ll see.



His new winter boots

Little boy stuff.  He shopped online and ordered a pair of boots from amazon. Then asked his dad to ask me not to open the package when it arrived. Then he tracked the order on FedEx.  Yesterday it arrived and I guess I walked right passed it.  He asked if the package was here and I said I didn’t see it and he looked and there it was sitting by the door. He looked at me like I told you so.  He said it arrived at 8:00am.  I said I didn’t think so.

When he opened the box he said, they are too small.  I said they were too big.  But they fit snugly and warm and they are light compared to his heavy combat boots from army navy surplus. He ran around with a friend after school and said the boots are working out.

They were the thought that sprang him out of bed this morning for school.  He sat in a basket of laundry while putting them back on.  Wait, wait he said to his dad who turned and patiently watched him tie his laces and zoom zoom he was off to school.


a far cry

Cancelled sculpture classes.  Have this breathing thing going on.  Happy I quit smoking because whatever this is would be much more difficult to deal with. Seasonal allergies probably, mold in the ground, leaf compost. That reminds me to take some more benadryl.

Counseling involves art therapy though I haven’t done much creatively in a while.  Recently it’s been about my son.  He has beat his depression and graduated from counseling having met his treatment goals.  In school for the first time in 3 years.  It’s been a month.  Last year he tried and changed his mind.  This year he’s much more matured. Loves school. Right away had a foot injury and he was one of the first students to be treated at the new students clinic.  They were good with him, patched him up and he went back to class. Finally he’s in bed early and wakes up rested and ready. That means we are all getting more sleep.

Last year was what it was.  I was in counseling and working on a safety plan and when things went out of the box, I went into the hospital for a week.  Meds for the last year, solid.  Well except for the summer.  Last year the clinic closed its doors and I was scrambling for Prozac.  Worried about getting really depressed in October, braced myself. It happened, I did become seriously depressed. If I hadn’t been hospitalized I would not have met a proper shrink and I would not have met Gabapentin. I don’t think I would have been able to quit smoking. It was hard, stayed sedated. That’s just one thing that improved, huge quality of life betterment. This year I could probably ask about working on a wellness plan.  I can tell the crisis management part is over.

When I look back over the last three years, I was on it with all the kids and the enormity eventually snapped me into pieces. Have cleaned up most of the broken ness. I don’t know how else to describe it.


The notion that people with mental illness can act as community educators is a radical but relatively novel idea. As such, myself and my collaborators recently launched a community education project (funded by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research) using a method known as “participatory video.”

In this project, we have partnered with three community mental-health centres — Laing House, Halifax; Forward House, Montreal; and Sound Times, Toronto. We then trained people with mental illness to script, produce and edit a series of short videos aiming to raise awareness and reduce stigma. Teams have complete control over the topic and content of videos, and have been provided with video equipment and training from a skilled videographer. After two years of work, the teams have created over 15 poignant and moving videos. One can be seen below:









Amma Amma Taye

Wanted very much to be up at the ashram and I was just so tired, too tired to drive and that’s dangerous. Didn’t push myself, I stayed and slept. Slept a tired sleep and woke rested.  Got a quick note from them, they played the harmonium and liked the sound of it!  Made me so happy.  Gift for the ashram that worked out.  Was a little worried because when I said I had this harmonium… they mentioned that they finally had a person that could actually play it and there were two harmoniums that did not work out. If I could play just one song on it, it would be   Amma Amma Taye.  Happy Birthday Amma!


Fall Retreat

Totally new thing.  Usually attend Devi Bhava @ SR in late November, if it all works out.  Some years it hasn’t.  This year I don’t think there is a retreat in SR.  Sometimes there are retreats like this in the winter, haven’t ever been.  I was sitting there when the girl asked if we could have a center here and the answer was yes.  Bringing the harmonium.

Fall Med Schedule

Really into having anti depressants in my body with refills at pharmacy ready to go by October.  Tried to quit smoking with wellbutrin last year, ha ha.  This year I actually actually did quit smoking. Six weeks earlier than I tried last year and I quit six weeks ago.  Probably because of prozac and klonopin combo.

Now having ditched the klonopin, prozac and cigarettes, back to effexor @ 75mgs once daily for the fall.  If it gets bad there are options.  Have two mood stabilizers this fall that I didn’t even know about last year so yeah progress. Dialed in with weekly counseling/art therapy, feel better prepared for another winter on vashon.  Flu shots at pharmacy and I’m not due in for a med check for 6 weeks.

Wow what a transition.  I feel like a straw that’s been pulled inside out.  Goal to get serious about real cardio and to ditch the mood stabilizers one at a time. I’m gaining weight by just looking at food and faster if I like the smell of it.

she said…






Snug as a bug

he approves. 

Morning schedule is a new thing.  So happy he has returned to school.  My homeschooling days may be over.  He’s got Mr. Daniel’s for math and us for his homework drills.  We practiced last night on the big chalk board in the kitchen and he’s got it.  He’s just over thinking and getting ahead of himself.  Introducing math is like introducing a new language or instrument.  I can tell he’ll be using math like a paintbrush to describe the world in no time.

Those Puppy Dog Eyes

Got me in big trouble tonight.  He was very upset and barking.

We are SUPPOSED to wake up and check when he alerts.

He’s just doing his job.  Good Dog.  Stay by me.

brought his kennel inside. driving jon up the wall.  but that’s what we have to do in coyote and cougar country, have to bring the pets inside now.  that from the ladies at the nature center… well and the officer from dept of wildlife said that a coyote is no match for a cougar.   he said a cougar can take out a coyote in a snap. so. as long as there is a cougar around and gosh I hope so because the coyotes are all over the island now.  we are missing a cat and there were also 17 missing cat signs at the vet. 

made a pot of coffee, bunny helping me type, we might as well stay awake.


Feeling a little crazy.

sometimes i just wanna be able to phone a friend and say I’m so depressed.  but I can’t because my friends are all a bit off themselves.  this blanket, can’t let go, so big I have to work from the big sailing bag.  naturally the song black sheep was running through my head. of course i thought of julie, when we met i actually had sheep and a spinning wheel.

found comfort in making this blanket.   it was like a serious thing, but i actually broke free from the blanket and phoned my friend julie.

she’s not only knitting herself a sweater she’s actually spinning her own wool on a turkish drop spindle and custom coloring the ink.  some serious applied physics.

we have a “fibers” date.  who does that? what kind of people?    coping skills kinds of people i guess.  bringing my crazy blanket over to her place to sit and work on the blanket with another human being. quiet work.

i don’t know how far away i would have to move to be objective about people who live here, like julie and i.    it was 2014, kirsten and rj died, i didn’t know kirsten and julie didn’t know rj.

sometimes i just wanna be able to phone a friend and complain about the new meds.  i feel like my body is still but my mind is flying along with the blanket pattern.  wondering if i’ll have enough wool to finish the picture that’s in my mind.  the softest yarn of his blanket is mountain goat.  55% mohair 45% wool.  230 hand painted yards per skein and i have 5 skeins of it, more than enough in softness but it needs some strength in its structure so i have this fabulous red wool. will bring it over to see if she likes it.

julie says she has two bags of alpaca plus all she’s been drop spinning…


Installed Wildlife Cam

The women from the nature center were so cool.
It was a great hike and we discovered some coyote activity.

Set a camera up on an animal spaghetti junction and I’m excited to see what if anything shows up with the nighttime motion detector!

Set another in another location and maybe a third next week.

Wildlife project city.  This will be great stuff for little man’s science fair at his school.

Bunny went Rogue

She attacked the blanket I’ve been working on. Too many long hours. Hm. She is a beauty. Taught her a new trick.  She can stand on her back legs and dance in a circle.  She has the run of the upstairs and she hops to me when I call her name.  We still call her little bunny.  She will hop up to anyone who says the magic words:  Hello little bunny. Then she will hop in circles around our legs.  She just got in trouble for wanting to chew the cord to the vacuum cleaner.  She dashes to her little hutch and hops inside by herself.  Time out!

She’s a darling, just turned a year old, with us a year already!  Runt of the litter she’s stayed little, except her personality. Still loves to play with my art supplies.  Cutting back my hours on the blanket to spend more time with her.

Like I said before, it was a Cougar.


We saw it while walking aug 26, that was after the other one was tranquilized and put down.

Our neighbor saw it in the top of a Madrona in his yard Yesterday. He said it’s snacking on deer.

With hesitation had to report it, a friend really got angry when I refused to report it the 26th.  But it’s like, we can’t let kids walk from house to house anymore till this is sorted out.

So we are putting up Camera’s Tomorrow on the trail that runs up through Neil Point. Bear, Coyote, Deer & possibly Cougar trail.  and our neighbor’s bear trail also. So Cool.

and i have the wrong kind of mace. fyi, straight up bear mace is better or i could get myself in more trouble.

tonight’s homework.





Up Front

7 Ways to Deal With People Who Don’t Understand Depression.

“How do you keep from getting resentful?” a reader asked me the other day.

I wish I had four simple instructions to make friends and family comprehend the kind of handicaps that don’t come with a parking spot, or at least, be empathetic toward those that are plagued by them. However, some confusion and ache is inevitable because some people are simply incapable of understanding.

Here are a few things that help me to remain a kind, well-adjusted member of society in the face of ignorance.

I’m In:  http://community.projecthopeandbeyond.com/




Before the snow fly’s

Trying so hard to get this completed 1/4 of the way there.

hours and hours and hours and 6 weeks sans smoking cigarettes.

another med check yesterday and another next week.

it’s better then last year, the depression treatment.  for whatever reason i begin to bonk in September, this year I’m ready for it. well on my way into the coming winter with meds and therapy.

bunny tossed all my yarn.  all over the room.  she’s in time out.

had a hard time this am getting little man to school. he’s bent back his pinky toe nail. had to go to the new kids clinic at the high school. he’s the first kid to been seen there from his school.  he has to stay home and soaks and antibiotics and rest.  a little drama but he just thanked me for all the help and he likes his new doctor.


My Little Chickadees

When I was little my Grandfather used to keep a 50 gallon can of birdseed to feed them all winter.  I became very close to them.  I used to love scooping up birdseed from the can and run out there and play with them. They were tame, it took years to be that tame.  Never thought it would happen again.  But it has.  Today two of them stopped my car as I was pulling in.  I had to fully stop and they wanted me to see them.  They were thirsty.  So it was all this drama to get water to them.  Took about an hour.  I could hear them all over talking to each other watching me.  Then they got so happy when I got the fountain running again for them.  One sat on the fountain, another flew under the water I sprayed onto the blackberry bushes for them.  Friends Forever.

Thankful for the Rosary

Something I’ve always wondered, why Mary isn’t celebrated in the Lutheran Church. A weird misogyny? She’s there for the nativity, otherwise… I can’t think of ever seeing her in a Lutheran Church.  Or a Lutheran who prays the Rosary.

Went to Sat Eve Mass

Asked Jesus for my own Rosary and instructions.  Walked into the library and there was a photo of the Pope, kissed my fingers and touched it and looked up and there was a ROSARY so I picked it up and met Father John, told him about my prayer for a Rosary and then I found one and could I keep it.  He said YES!  How wonderful.  Mentioned I was Lutheran and so I don’t know how to perform the Rosary, he said yes I know,  so he set me up with a booklet and a CD.  Gave me his blessing during the Eucharist and what a pretty church.

So the bible was a gift from Pastor Larson at Vashon Lutheran.  The Catechism a gift from Father Roach @ St John Mary Vianney- Vashon.Tonight Both the CD, instructions & Rosary were a gift from Father John @ SJV.

It was something to find the Rosary.  Have secretly wanted to learn it for a long time and had to leave the Lutheran Church to do it.  Feeling All rainbowy with Father John’s Blessing.

such an important painting.  every other version has empty plate, so what did they eat?  this nun painted a huge mural in the dinning hall of her convent.  she painted a lamb on Jesus’s plate.  Jesus is embracing Mary, that’s my favorite part.  -Nelli Plautilla