Went back in to see my doctor. Lots of face time as we work out a patient plan that I can then allow my art therapist to view. Then I’ll see her again and have some progress to offer my doctor the next time I see him in September. So we are all on the same page. SO thankful for the face time. This is awesome.
These appts are all follow up to problem back in November, moderate episode of recurrent major depressive disorder with suicidal ideations which led to a week stay in a clinic to stabilize on new medications.
Overall things have improved drastically. To the point that I was able to quit drinking alcohol, coffee, smoking cigarettes. And even a new goal to quit smoking marijuana, I know, BFD. All behavioral? Not entirely.
Beginning to trust the pharma’s. I realize I have been self medicating with Medical Marijuana for some time and while it kept me low, it also kept me depressed. It just does not treat my real clinical depression. But it does sometimes help me with PTSD.
Still having nicotine cravings and reach for candy first, the caramels take a long time, then I reach for regular gum, then when it gets gross, the nicotine gum. The gum is working with the patches and I’m breathing to the heights of full inhales and lows of complete exhales. I love that. I love the rest. I love the not seeing people until this is over and I’m stronger.
Now this is only week 3, I’m expecting these nic fits to end by week 10. Really they are mini panic attacks, catch them when little and they go away completely, wait and it’s like a root canal. Gotta stay ahead of it.
No I’m not ready for the group on Survivors of Suicide. Not a good time. No, not raising dose of Zyprexa. 2.5 am and then 2.5 pm that’s that until I can stabilize some more from smoking cessation and quit the Zyprexa entirely, this is just a transition.
All of this being said, the longest I was able to quit was three years ago when I saw Amma and asked for her help. I was only able to quit for 3 weeks. Things are much different now, we have a new clinic, I have a doctor to follow up and a therapist, etc. I’m on anti depressants months ahead of where I was last year when the clinic closed way ahead of winter sadness when the light leaves. Still taking D3 @ 5000 IU to keep those blood levels up. Completed a long fast last year and then had all the blood work which looked fantastic.
If I could beat that 3 week record it will develop confidence to finish the 10 week nicotine cessation plan. I always quit cold turkey when running.
Almost ready for a warm up 5k. My running shoes are screaming at me enthusiastically, RUN, let’s pound this out.
And to top it off the eclipse happened during the office visit. My doc had an extra set of professional safe glasses and we stepped out to watch it, it was absolutely cosmic. Everything got so dark and cold. The roads were empty like 911. Cars lined up all along Quartermaster Harbor and on Sunrise Ridge. Eerie and Surreal.